Becoming a mum is a transformational journey, filled with beauty that comes with its fair share of joys, challenges, and surprises.
While everyone loves to share heartwarming stories and essential advice, there are certain aspects of motherhood that often remain unspoken. I’m a true believer in the power of sharing real-world journeys because although they are so challenging for us, it's those challenges that enable the light of love to shine through so brightly. Here are the 10 things nobody told me about becoming a mum, offering a glimpse into the real and raw moments that make this journey uniquely yours.
1: The Marvel of Multitasking: Now, if you felt that before your baby arrived you were the master of multitasking….you just wait! Nobody really warned you about the sheer amount of multitasking you'd become a master of. From juggling nappy changes and soothing cries to managing a household budget on a reduced income and still living the dream, you'll soon discover your hidden superpowers. Now, am a wing-it organiser and multitasker. I can plan, and I do like to be prepared, but in reality, becoming a mum has enabled me to just wing it like a pro. Like who thinks in the middle of doing the ironing, I know I’ll get tea on, do a load of washing, watch my favourite TV show and manage a conversation in the girl's WhatsApp group chat. So you go from doing one task to juggling five tasks all like an absolute pro! It’s just manic isn’t it…but in reality some days this will really be how your brain works. Other days will be a right off, and you’ll put the iron in the fridge! But as long as you and the little ones are safe and sound, don’t worry! We all need a day of being human, don’t we?
2: The Art of Prioritisation: For those of you who say or said to yourself, life won’t change that much…It will. Once your baby comes into the world instinctively your priorities will shift, and it's not just about you anymore! That can be a hard fact to grasp, I know! However, there is something really empowering about just stepping back from the rushing of the world and accepting that your life has changed. You are on a new adventure, a new journey and you have someone new with you who will need you 100%. You'll find yourself making choices that you never thought you would make, but here you are. Just remember, motherhood is a journey, not a sprint. Priorities will change and should change as your life and the needs of yourself and your family change. And never forget, you need to be the priority sometimes!
3:You’re a different person; Things that once drove you mad, you just won’t feel anything for anymore. Because it's just not important to you right now. You will be worn out! You will be sleepy! At times, you will feel lost! I can remember getting myself so frustrated and mad during the “ I’m not going to sleep phase”. The hours of screaming pushed me to my limit…I could feel my blood boiling with rage because I was being tortured by the lack of sleep and time to myself. I hated this phase and I’d have to step away, close the door and sit on the stairs for a few mins to have a good cry and get my head back into the Mum Zone! This is all normal and part of the motherhood package. In time and if you give yourself patience you will find a way in life that enables you to prioritise what is important to you but also enable you to feel the way you want to feel. I ended up changing jobs, dropping a few hours, and having let a few things go because it was too much. I’m not going to say you will feel like you…. because in honesty you have changed! Your mind, your body, and your soul have been changed by your experience of becoming a mum. Embrace this change and be the creator of who you want to be.
4: The Emotional Roller-coaster: I can remember whilst getting ready to leave the hospital the midwife saying to me “So in about 3 days, get in the bath and have a good cry”. I did exactly that, and it felt so good! What I later learned is that a few days after giving birth your body goes through a natural hormone reset phase. Now that’d don’t mean your hormones will go back to what they were….more that they are finding their new balance for your body to embark on this crazy journey called Motherhood. Hormones, sleep deprivation, and the overwhelming love you feel for your child can create a whirlwind of emotions, that flow up and down for some time. Don’t hide these emotions away, they need to come out. It’s a great thing to let it all out as it helps you and your mind get through the day. It's okay to cry, laugh, and sometimes feel a mix of both in a single moment.
5: The Power of Community: They say it takes a village to raise a child…they are right. Now, don’t get me wrong you are going to do most of the leg work; however don’t be afraid to reach out and use those around who want to help and can do so with the greatest of intentions in their hearts, to simply be there for you. A mummy who is loved, cared for, and supported is a mummy who is loving, caring, and supportive. Joining the League of Mums opens the door to a supportive community of women who understand your joys and struggles. Whether it's playgroups, online forums, or local meet-ups, the camaraderie of Motherhood can be a lifesaver. Every mum needs the space and time to find her own unique community to help build that village that will all play a part in shaping how your child grows. Everything from Nanny’s magic kisses to Auntie Emily’s silly faces will all have a contribution to share. It is also important to say that as a Mum you don’t have to accept all offers of help, you don’t have to follow the 5,342 bits of advice you will receive and it is 100% okay to do your own thing.
6: The Guilt Trip: Guilt is not the best of all the feelings you are going to be feeling. But, at some point, it will arrive. The first walk out on your own, the first date night, the first day at nursery…all occasions when your brain and your heart feel guilt. I can remember being okay with Nanny time for four hours a week but feeling guilty for going on walks on my own. Don’t even get me started on the feelings that hit the day we did the first drop-off for Nursery! Have I made the right decision? Will they remember me? Will they eat? Will they cry all day? Throughout Motherhood guilt becomes your occasional companion for a multitude of reasons. I don’t think it’s worth beating yourself up about it, however. You feel the guilt, because your care and love someone, not because you have done something wrong!
7: The Evolution of Relationships: So the relationship with your beloved is quite possibly going to change. For some this change is amazing, and for others, it means the ending is in sight as the changes are just too much for the relationship to remain loving, healthy, and supportive. Some key thoughts to share, make time for yourself and each other as a couple. It is not your job to make your partner happy, it is your job to look after yourself and make yourself happy. Remind each other that one day you will both sleep! Make an effort to connect….holding hands, a hung, sex. Whatever connection makes you feel warmth and love, you’re going to have to find the energy to connect. If you don’t you will end up being roommates who have a baby together! Communication becomes key as you navigate the changes together, just be honest with each other, this will be hard sometimes but it really does help. Remember you are human, you are going to have feelings and these can and do change.
8: The Messy Reality: The new home, show home feeling…ya that’s gonna have to go. If you’re lucky enough to live in a home with two living room spaces, great! You can contain all the baby/ child paraphernalia in one space. The rest of us brace ourselves. Your home will become a battlefield of toys, spills, and adorable chaos. Embrace the mess; it's a sign of a house filled with love and laughter. Tidy away the things you can and want to at the end of the day, clean the house when it needs cleaning, and accept there will be mess and spillages to come. I recommend not investing in a new sofa or carpet in the first two years.
9: The Importance of Flexibility: Things change and the reality of having children in your life is that with a moment's notice, life will need your to be flexible, just like that. From the madness of daycare changes to having a mums night out, Motherhood teaches you to be adaptable. Plans might change, and that's okay. Learning to roll with the punches becomes a valuable life skill that you will use for years to come. You find that you just let things go that you are not in control of, and adapting the callings of the universe. Sometimes this is an absolute ballache! Other times this flexibility gives your great karma and works wonders in your favor
10: The Endless Love: It’s true when your mum tells your there is no love like it and when you experience it, it's breathtaking. As I sit here typing away thinking about the very love I have in my life as a Mum, it honestly makes me well up! Nobody can fully prepared you for the overwhelming, all-encompassing love you feel for your child. It's a bond like no other, and it's what makes every challenging moment worth it. And all this comes to you because you share it with them. Think about how confident and empowered your child will be as an adult because they have grown up in a world in which they feel and see the love you gave them every day. Every hug, every snuggle on the sofa, every football practice, every school assembly, every kiss, and every bedtime tuck-in. LOVE, the powerful drug!
Becoming a mum for the first time, or the fourth time is a journey that takes you through uncharted territories of emotions, experiences, and growth. As you navigate the twists and turns, remember that you're not alone. Embrace the challenges, celebrate the victories, and cherish the small, everyday moments that make this journey uniquely yours.
Welcome to the world of motherhood – a beautiful chaos that shapes you and your child in unimaginable ways.
